Monday, July 26, 2010

Only the Lonely

Titling something before its written seems a bit premature. This time especially, since I have no inspiration or even an idea about what is about to be said. So....don't expect greatness with this blog post.

Almost every emotion possible + a huge cup of joe + too much sugar + a stressful day and sleepless night = a rather uncomfortable Molly. These things are jumbling around in my poor stomach, which is feebly attempting to digest it all. I feel...like I'm closing up. My walls are becoming airtight and I'm so afraid that this time no one's ever going to break in. The fact that I have nothing to say about these emotions says volumes. It means I'm distancing myself from...myself, and when that happens I become a fake shell of a Molly and I feel helpless to do anything about it.  It also makes me feel farther away from God, which I KNOW is the last place I need to be. He has given me all the tools I need, made straight my path, and shown me exactly what he wants from me. Why then is it so hard to accept and move on while remaining open and whole-feeling?  Why are the right choices sometimes the ones that break me?

I've been on the verge of tears all day. Some part of me knows that in the loneliness I can come closer to the Father, but that sounds easier than it is actually put into practice. Is a drama-free week too much to ask for? Seems like it.

On a lighter note, I have decided to work strength training into my routine. Muscle burns more than fat, so P90X...here I come. Its a little bit fun to be a health nut. I WILL wear a bikini without reservation at some point in my life. Mmmm thats probably a vain thing to say. Although maybe I'm a totally vain and shallow person altogether and thats why I don't feel torn apart by all the emotions.... yeah, we'll go with that. At least if I'm shallow it means I'm not a complete mental wreck.

My puppies are so sweet and serene right now. They love to sleep in my bed with me when no one's home to reprimand them. Its actually hard to type cause I'm concentrating so hard on not disturbing them.  Penny Anne is biting something in her dream, and periodically I'll feel a little growl-type-noise from her stomach as it reverberates through my thigh. What a cutie. Even devil-Buddy is saintly as he sleeps. Aw and when they sigh all contentedly it makes my day so much better. I want babies so much. *sigh*

Til next time
Molly

1 comment:

  1. We WILL get coffee next weekend, dear girl. Even if it's just to go shopping. We don't even have to talk.

    I love you.

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