Sunday, August 22, 2010

I confess:

I was going to read my Bible tonight and I let other things distract me.

I might be more emotionally attached than I admit.

I am disappointed and hurt.

I'm scared out of my mind about this semester.

I ate too much and badly today. No, Stephen, I really did.

I'm too dramatic.

I'm a gossip.

I am worldly.

I sin.

I was so excited to be back and now I'm already homesick.

Monday, August 16, 2010

He has been so good to me

I have nothing really to say, I just wanted to express my joy that the Lord gave me this day. :)

Prayer is not a last resort, or an immediate fix. But it is THE answer to whatever you're struggling with. Give that to God and its taken care of! This is not a gimmick, or a solution that sometimes works. It's a promise from the most faithful Father I know. I am in awe all the time because He is wonderful.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

What the Efron?!

I just got finished watching Charlie St. Cloud...I rather like movies that make me think, and while this was far from a thinking movie (although they tried pretty hard to clothe it like one), it was definitely entertaining.  Mostly because of Zac's shirtless body. I didn't even notice the instances of trite dialogue or predictable plot line! Okay well I noticed, but it didn't detract. I like veiny arms. Like, not bluey, sick-looking, old-man arms, but young and veiny and muscley and mmmmmmmm.

Yeah I'm gonna stop now.

Time to run 5 miles for the first time ever!!! I'm so pumped.

Friday, August 6, 2010

10 things I hate about you

1. The way I feel right now.
2. The way I felt yesterday and a lot of the days before that.
3. Memories.
4. Insecurity.
5. Withdrawal.
6. Nervousness.
7. Confusion.
8. The sheer unknown.
9. The fact that it bothers me enough to make this list.
10. The fact that this list reminds me of that stupid Miley Cyrus song.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Anyone have some nail polish remover I can borrow?

My mommy made me a bath before bed tonight. I was going to go to sleep early, but this bath was WORTH IT. I feel so warm and clean. And now my nails are painted and my legs are shaved and I am shivery with simple gladness.

I have been blessed beyond measure. It astonishes me how ungrateful I am all the time, and how selfish and downhearted and cynical I can be. Its really the worst way to live, and if I'm being honest, I'm mostly content with the things in my life.  Granted, there are things I would change, but obviously my plans pale in comparison to God's...and I learned a lesson in trusting Him and His plan today which I will share with you presently.

I wrote last night about a roadtrip. It was going to be to the house of a male friend of mine, we'll call him Friendly Fred. When he first asked, I thought he was joking, so I joked back that I'd grab a plane ticket with all my spare cash laying around and be right there.  He lives about 9 hours away by car, and after my initial quip, he responded that he could pay my gas if I really wanted to go. With eyebrows raised I began to consider it. 

I don't have work this Thursday and Friday....If I left after work Wednesday I could be there around midnight and have all weekend to hang out.
Does this mean he likes me because he's asking me to visit? Is he asking other girls/guys too?
What about his partying habits? Am I going to be uncomfortable with the possible activities?
Thats still a lot of money to drive there and back...I don't know if I'm willing to go through the awkwardness of letting him pay without actually being my boyfriend or anything.
What if I get lost?? I am bad with complicated directions! I'll be driving in the dark by myself.
I need to do something crazy because I'm young! When am I ever going to be single with a car and a guy offering to pay for me to come spend the weekend with him in a new and exotic-sounding place ever again?
I don't know. I just don't know.

So I voiced a few of these concerns and he kindly allayed some of my fears:
I've made a ton of money this summer, so its not a big deal.
We can go to Six Flags on Friday! And I have a pool and two sweet puppies!
Just don't tell my youth minister about the Six Flags thing. He'd get ideas about us, you know?
You'd have a room to yourself.
I'll help you if you get confused, just call me.
Oh, and my parents won't be home.

....Friendly Fred with the pool and the puppies say WHAT?? Now I am uncomfortable. Combine my history and his and you have a VERY dangerous situation if he is asking me to come as more than a friend. So at this point I'm half convinced/pressured into making the decision to come, and half SUUUPER hesitant. Also, what is all this with the mixed signals? Two months ago he offered to meet me in Dallas cause I'd be there anyway and we would stay at his grandparents house. But I didn't push it and he didn't mention it after the initial invite, and he ended up not coming to Dallas that weekend at all. And he acted disappointed, but if he liked me that much he'd make the effort, right? And what is this about the youth minister and six flags?? I had a few thoughts when he said that:
A) I don't even know your youth minister. Are we going to be...hanging out with him? Cause I don't care, but when did he even come into the picture?
B) If I don't know him, I probably don't know him well enough to describe my outings to him.
C) Six Flags is a friendly thing to do, Friendly Fred. I don't consider going there even a date necessarily. Especially with a group. We will be with a group, right?
D) If you wanted to make sure people don't think we're a thing...try NOT inviting me to stay at your house while your parents are gone. DUUUUUHH.

Anyway, I'm just weirded out by the whole thing and at the same time getting angry with myself for being a pansy. When I fell asleep, I had NO idea what I should do. So I gave it to God. I prayed earnestly for Him to make my decision clear, and I told Him I would listen for His answer and accept it no matter what.

And literally the thing that woke me up this morning was a text from Friendly Fred saying his parents were in fact going to be home, and what's more, bringing his grandma/other obscure family member(s) home with them. Which meant the guestroom would be taken, and his parents didn't like the idea of me coming (and probably being a nuisance) when Friendly Fred and I aren't even dating. He sounded really angry about it when we talked. But I was relieved; so SO relieved.

That answer was too easy not to accept. I just love Him.

Monday, August 2, 2010


I am a college kid. I am young, I have a car, I have free time, I have friends in other places.... So what better way to utilize all these resources than a ROADTRIP?

This is crazy. It may not happen. I'm nervous.

I need to do it for the sake of being young!

More updates later.

P.S. SO excited for sister day tomorrow :) I have our itinerary planned out and it is gonna be BALLIN.


Sunday, August 1, 2010

Playlist of happiness

Running playlist:
Defying Gravity--Glee cast
Halo/Walkin on Sunshine--Glee cast
Your love is my drug--Ke$ha
Sweet Tangerine--The Hush Sound
Far Away--Ingrid Michaelson
Half of my Heart--John Mayer
Everything Falls--Fee
I'd Rather be with You--Joshua Radin
Sky--Joshua Radin
This is the Last Time--Keane
Leaving so soon?--Keane
The Lost get Found--Britt Nicole
Walk on the Water--Britt Nicole
All Along--Remedy Drive
Here we Go Again--Demi Lovato

These fifteen songs are the audible version of my soul right now. I love every little quirk of this playlist, and it makes me want to run ALL THE TIME.

That is all. I'm about to keep myself up another half hour to work my abs and legs :)
Thank you, Jesus, for this beautiful, wonderful day. I love you!